Terribly Upset

It has been 5 years, nearing to 6 since we had been together on 5 Mar 03.

We had really been through alot during this 6-years and we were still together. However, I am very worried that everything is going to change soon... ...

I have least expected him to have a change of heart. He had always assured me about how faithful he is but I just found out that he is wooing a colleague of his - Chan Yit Ying. Nice name. From his description, she is a very adventurous and sporty lady -- his type of coffee. I also found out that he had left "things" (which I assumed were gifts) on her desk more than once. He also expressed his feelings to her.

I was terribly upset when I read those emails yesterday. I burst out crying immediately. I just cannot control my emotions and kept crying while I was at work. I kept asking myself if 6 years are going to end just like that.

When I confronted him, he was alittle stunt. He didn't want to admit about it initially. However, when I mentioned her name, he said he has not done anything wrong to me and treat her like a colleague. I know he was lying.

I didn't go to class and when to meet up with him after work. I have got no mood to work. I almost wanna take 1/2 day and go look for him.

My feet were soft, heart were sinking and I hope that all were just a joke. I hope that it was just a dream.

Since we were back together on 1st day of CNY, I told myself that he is the one I am going to settle down with and I wanna be with him til death do us part.

He told me he can't see any future ahead of us! That sentence hurt me very much. I have said many hurtful words to him too and I think this is my retribution. BUT can I beg God please dun take him away from me. I can't survive without him. He has occupied the other half of my life. W/O him, my life is empty and I would be half dead.

It was really a big blow to me and I couldn't eat or sleep for the whole of last night. I fear of losing him. I kept thinking how to make everything work out well. to a certain extend, i am desperate over him.

On my way to meet him, I kept crying (yes on the bus). It was embarrassing but I dun give a damn. What is more impt than losing my loved ones? I also kept thinking what should we say when we meet. I feared that it would be our last meeting.

I took him to the seat round the fountain @ suntec where we sat and began our relationship 5 years 11 mths and 4 days ago. I thought if he wants to end the relationship (though I would be very much reluctant to, it would be at that pl too.) After break-up, I will always go there because suntec itself is a place filled with our memories.

When we sat there, he told me that he doesn't like the lady. It wasn't even a crush. He was just trying to make friends with her and open himself to more options cos he doesn't see a future in us.

He also told me that he is old enuff to set up a family and since that he doesn't see a future in us and all the hurtful words i said to him since sept 08 (wre all our probs arised), we should part.

In this relationship, i had cried once @ ITE Bishan when we quarrelled (for the 1st time) and he came to look for me. Then I cried again terribly when he was going overseas for studies. Then I cried again terribly when he told his friends he had long wanted to break off with me. Next, it was about our marriage in sep and oct where i had cried damn terribly. yesterday was the 5th time i cried and feeling damn terribly than ever. I hope there will be no more tears in this relationship and if there were ever tears, i hope it would be tears of laughter shared between us from now where we have decided to start all over again.

I have really tried to change my attitube towards his family and I am even willing to move in to stay with him, together with mavis. I also told him that I will go with him together to speak to his family about our marriage and mavis when the time comes. God, please let both of us work things out.

He also promised me not to contact that lady anymore and I really hope that he will keep his promise.