3rd Day

This is the 3^rd day where I am living in fear and uncertainty. I just lose concentration on my work even though I had tried not to. Good thing that I didn't make too many mistakes but I know that if I am not paying enuff attention, I will kanna one of these days.

I think he was right. He said that I have been behaving in a paranoid manner since day 1. I feel very tense up and cold. I fear. I fear of losing him. Though he promised that he will not contact her again but I am worried that he will not keep his promise.

Whenever my phone rings or there's a msg coming in, I hope that it is from him. I feel upset and disappointed when I know that he wasn't the one on the other line. I went into Facebook last night and saw her pictures. She wasn't the very pretty kinda lady but is good enuff to capture his attention. Adventurous and sporty and not too skinny – just right. I am just too fat and boring for him, I supposed.

All that is occupying my mind is how to convince his family to accept mavis and I, what we should do to get married, etc... I also kept thinking about us. Too many memories, too many stuff in these 5 years and I still love him very much, I cant let go :(

Every now and then I feel my heart shiver. I feel cold. This is terrible. Each time I prayed, I asked god to let us be together and bai tou dao lao.

Just now while I was working, I thought of this: because he sees no future in us, he decided to open his options to others. I asked myself “I am easily replaced?” Very sad.

I dared not say too much or asked too much because one email from me can made him change his mind to not marry me and I feared that another email of sentence from me would allow him to decide to leave me for good *sob sob*