Mood Swing or Disappointment

I dunno if it's mood swing or disappointment. I am feeling unhappy once again. I thought I would be back to my usual self after PMS but the bad feeling is back again! I think instead of (Pre)PMS, it's (Post)PMS!

I sighz alot these days. Especially when I am alone at night. The lousy feeling affects my mood and and work. I noticed that when I dun feel happy or depress, I tend to eat alot and i really mean ALOT to make myself happy BUT i still wouldn't feel happy! When I am heart-broken, I won't eat. Perhaps that's a good thing cos it would help me to lose some weight! :)

Everything was okay until he told me he was bringing me somewhere (after we sent Karen home from movie @ Tampines Mall).

Yea.. he said he was bringing me to a place and he was flipping the Street Directory to look for that place. He sounded secretive and didn't want to tell me anything when I asked. In the end, he told me that he was finding out if there was any SPC Petrol Station in Tampines!

What a surprise! I fell into depression agn! He was just pulling my leg when he told me that he was bringing me to a place! I dun think he even know that joke of his wasn't funny and it affected me.

He could see that I was unhappy but I dun think he knows why. No point for me to mention it. It was merely a one-sided affair for me to think that there would be a surprise when he said he was bringing me to a place.

I have no right to be angry with him because he didn't even said there is going to be a surprise. I thought too much about it and was obsessed with that idea and i thought there would be a surprise!

No point for me to even write him any mail. No point for me to clarify more. What's the point? I wrote him an email on 21 Jun 08 to tell him about how i feel about this whole thing but we merely sent a few smses! Issue wasnt resolved and in fact he even misunderstood me. Saying that I want him to do it but I will reject him in public! That shows how much he spent time reading thru my email. Perhaps, he only browsed thru it or speed read it, picking up the keywords! Sighz.. in the end, it will be another big argument. What for? I should just sleep!

Diving

----- Drafted on 07 Apr 08 vide Sony Ericsson M600 -----

--- Entry Deleted on 29 Jun 08 ---

After note: Some things are better to be left in the memory rather to "pen" it out. Therefore, I have decided to delete this entry after some thoughts. If one day, I may forget these due to old age or whatever reasons it may be, we shall just leave things as it is.

My Mother

My mom has been 'hinting' me to get a 4-room flat lately!

It is so irritating! I have already bought a 3-room flat for all of them to stay and I have to pay more money for their comfort?

She said that she will not approve my sister to buy a flat on her own because she thinks that my sis is selfish and won't take care of my brother. But why tax on me?

Doesn't she know that it would pose a difficulty if I want to buy a flat with my future husband in the near future?

Kept asking me about my views! If I tell her how I feel, she's sure to quarrel with me and thinks I'm selfish and our relationship is sure to sour!

I told her anything and she said "dun say anything. We must all disc & agree." sigh...

18 Mar 08

-----Entry drafted on 18 Mar 08 vide Sony Ericsson M600-----

Was coughing very badly & breathless last night. My voice worsen due to all e coughing. Decided that I should visit Dr Fok.

After sending Mavis to school, I came back and continued to sleep while waiting for e clinic to open.

While sleeping, I dreamt that I visited the clinic and the doctor didn't issue me with any MC. I, too, forgotten to get it from him so I panicked-cos I could be charged with AWOL! *haha*

Mummy cooked some porridge for me. She woke me up to eat them and accompanied me to see Dr Fok before she went to work.

Bad bad infection! I was given 2 days of MC! A big pack of antibotics, flu medicine, cough syrup & inflamation for my voice box!

When I reached home, I took medicine and stayed in front of the Tv till the medicine took effect then I went to bed.

After sleeping for hours, I woke up and watch TV again. *heh* lately, I've been watching these 3 drama series - 我外母不是人 / 赌场风云 / Safe Guards

If I'm home on Friday nights and had missed the evening episodes, I would watched from 11pm to 2.30am! *crazy*

Actually I wanted to update my Multiply but I have got no energy to do anything. Hence, I ended up watching TV, slp, TV, slp, TV, slp... ...

Dreams

-----Entry drafted 22 Mar 08 vide Sony Ericsson M600-----

People said "日有所思，夜有所梦"

Lately, I just dreamt that another New Year has came but Mr Ngo didn't ask us to perform. Of course he wouldn't! Our skit was so lousy!! Why would he still want to ask us! I was so sad and disappointed with myself!

After I woke up, I thought about the dream and I guess I have yet to get over the CNY Skit failure!

On many occasions, I dreamt that Johnson broke up with me and sometimes he left me for a pretty gal. All these dreams usually woke me up by my cries.

Few weeks ago, I dreamt that Johnson left me for a "Tomboy". Reason being she is a very kind-hearted and nice lady! I was very sad & even attempted suicide! *Gosh* I have always been sensible in "not worth suiciding due to failure relationships but then I did it in my dream! Anyway, my cries woke me up agn.

I was taking a nap this afternoon and I dreamt that Johnson's family asked him to stop seeing me. My cries woke me up again.

Sigh... I have no idea why I have such dreams. These dreams are thoughts torturing! Is it because I feel insecure? Johnson said that it's becos I've got no confidence in myself. I dunno... ... Perhaps I have got 0% of confidence!

======================

***** Exclusive details only on Little Hide-out *****

Of course I feel insecure. My boyfriend said he love me but he doesnt want to marry me when asked to. He kept saying the time is not ripe. We are too young. He got 101 reasons to deny from marrying me. Perhaps, he has never wanted to do it in the first place.

05 March 2008 / 5 Years

----- Drafted on 11 Mar 08 vide Sony Ericsson M600I -----

Somethings are just so coincident! Lately, I just found out that Adam & Karen shared the same Anniversary date as Johnson & I -- Just that ours is a year older than theirs!

Jon & I were on leave yesterday, 10 Mar 08. We celebrated our 5th year anniversary - a belated one cos we had been tied up at work.

We woke up around 10 plus, washed up and went Kallang Leisure Park. It was my 1st time there!

Johnson brought me to the Japanese Restaurant, under Suki Yuki Group, for lunch! Full-Up! We went Jalan Jalan around the shopping mall. Many shops are not opened for business yet. We also went to the Games Arcade Thereafter, we went to watch Leap Year!

After movie, we went to a big empty car park, next to the temporary site for Singapore Sports Council employees to learn driving. It was fun.

At about 6pm, we went back to Leisurepark and went for a KTV session - just the 2 of us!! Shiok shiok!

=======================
5 years.

We have been together for 5 years. Time passes by nobody's business.

Is 5 years of a relationship consider long? In every relationship, there are many stages. No idea which stage I am in. We are definitely way over "honey-moon" period.

What keeps a relationship going? Sparks? Sometimes, I think it's the companionship that keeps a couple continue walking together.

Every relationship has its ups and downs. We have our fair share too. Good thing we have survived from them but there are more to come... ...

Thank you for taking care of me all these while, as well as for the love and concern which has been showered on me whenever possible.

No idea how many anniversaries we willl be going through but we can treasure what we have now and eventually if things doesn't work out, we still have many pages of good memories stored.

=======================

***** Exclusively only on My Little Hide-out *****

As I was saying in my entry "Expectations vs Disappointment"

Though I keep telling myself not to expect Johnson to propose to me on V-Day and on our Anniversary date, I was still hoping that he will. so of course I feel very disappointed when he didn't. but I cannot voice it out because I promised not to talk to him about it agn. I have already disgraced much after saying so much to him and he has no action... if I were to say agn, it would appear as if I am soooo damn fucking desperate to get married! *sighz* but still I can't stop feeling sad and disheartened

I thought if he really do nothing by 31 December 2008, I should decide whether to move on.

Expectation vs Disappointment

-----Drafted on 5 Mar 08 vide Multiply-----

People said "No Expectation; No Disappointment"

I agree and disagree with this statement at the same time.

People always subconciously wish for (which is already an expectation) something which they hope for, even though they know that it is quite impossible. Thus, one will feel disappointed when things doesn't go along his way.

The only difference is how great the disappointment would be. It is just some kind of feeling which you can't really control.

An example: You are attending a function and you hope to see someone there but you know it well that the person would never appear there. Still... you wish that he would be there and after waiting for sometime, reality hit you then you feel sad - That is disappointment.

Everyone experience disappointments. Neither you nor me could escape from it.

Sighz... ...I had umpteen times of disappointment.I keep telling myself not to expect for it to happen but I still hope that I will be wrong and that it would actually happen BUT I KNOW IT WELL that I will be disappointed once again!!!

Sometimes, human beings kanna so much disappointments til they get tired of it.

Happy Valentine's Day

----- Drafted on 14 Feb 08 vide Multiply -----

It's V-Day again!! Happy Valentine's Day to all, regardless if you are Single or Attached.

While I was on my way to school yesterday, Mui Har told me that there were some advertising for Valentine which cost arnd $3K and your ad for your loves one will appear on TV for 18x. *CRAZY* Pse donate the $3K to me than to throw then into the sea!!

We were also discussing that many ladies would dress up to work on V-Day, including those who do not have a partner. *haha* Of course I did my observation and many ladies looked prettier that day and most of them knock off on time to go for their dates.

I knock off 1/2 hr late (which is quite usual) and went home. Johnson came my place for dinner. My mama cooked my favourite - Chicken Curry Rice *Yumm Yum*

After dinner, we coached Mavis in her homework and ZZZzzzzz.

Well, I would rather spend more money celebrating our Anniversary, which is round the corner, than on V-Day when everything would be sooooo expensive and not worthy of the price. :)

He is gone! *sob sob*

-----Drafted on 5 Jan 08 vide Multiply-----

It was a shocking news to me. Last evening, my sister SMSed me saying that MC King has passed away the day before. She claimed that she read it in the latest U-Weekly Magazine. Of course I didn't believe her. I did not hear any news about it.

When I told Johnson what my sister told me, he laughed it off as well. However, everything was confirmed when I asked my mom just now. She told me it was true and it was published in the papers!! *How come I didn't know!!*

At 1830 hrs, the news had some publicity about his death. That was when I really confirmed that he is dead! He dead while he was sleeping. Some heart prob. Many people die of cardiology prob. :(

As the news was reporting, my eyes turned blurry too. I was so sad about his demise. He is only 40 and he has been a very cheerful and nice guy.

I dunno when exactly did I start liking him. In my memory, I started watching him playing the role of MC King. A cute young man then. He was never popular then.

Sometime last year, Johnson told me that he was one of the DJ in FM97.2 and how funny he and his partner Yongmei were. Then I started listening to their prog from 10am to 2pm from Monday to Friday. I would feel uneasy and not fulfilling when I missed their prog. Their conversations were always so funny and accompanied me thru my working hours.

It was also then I know that he has a blog and I constantly keep myself update thru his blog. He is so optimistic and bubbly. I really enjoy reading his blog.

However, there were changes to the broadcasting in 97.2 and MC King stopped his prog. I remembered faxing in my wishes for him and what a waste that I only started listening to their prog for a few months and they had to stop. He read out my fax. I

n his latest blog entry, he said this "现今的这个社会，事事难料。今天风风光光，明天口袋光光。只要每天努力向上，对得起自己，家人和友人，明天哪怕天塌下来也能即登“极乐世界”吧？我想。" and after this, he was gone.

Forever in our memories *sob sob*

Welcome 2008

----- Drafted on 4th Jan 08 -----

Yup I know I was late in my greetings *heh* but we are still in January (the 1st month of the year) and we are still in the 1st week of the 1st month of 2008! :p

Last New Year Eve we went Vivo for the Countdown Party. This year's New Year Eve, we had nothing to do - no prog! Sounds pathetic huh.

No tixs to Vivo Countdown Party but I witnessed the countdown thru Channel 5! *heh* however, atmosphere is not there. Anyway, Rachel asked us to go KTV but we didn't go because Johnson just kept saying "anything lo" to all my ideas :( *irritating*

Anyway, we waited for mummy to knock off at 7pm then we went down to Tampines to eat Tze Char. After that, we went Sem Pub @ Sembawang-very smelly. Stayed for a little while then we left home.

When we reached home, we watched TV til 0000hrs and Kareen told us to meet her @ Thomson. We went down, Casper & Genie was there too. We had some drinks @ Macau Cafe and ended up at Casper's pl to play mahjong.

Haha... ... What a New Year!

Lunch Time

Yesterday's lunch time was kinda short. Time duration is always short when you enjoyed it - that is human nature.

Anyway, I had lunch with Chris yesterday. The last time I dine with him was a year ago.

Chatting with him has always been relaxing and enjoyable. At the same time, I missed the times when we used to work together :) Sometimes I really missed my old department but it is no longer a nice place anymore and I should never go back there agn unless things have change for the better.

We talked about his job (same thing.. busy busy BUSY!). That is the similarity in all jobs, isn't it huh? *haha* Talked about Mavis, the current education standard, etc etc.

Surprised Chris told me he just got married and shifted to Yishun Ave 11 (while I am staying in Yishun St 11). He didn't invite us because he wanted it to be simple. Anyway, happy for him.

Exams Exams Exams... ...

Exams for the 1st term is finally over. 2 modules down. 13 more to go *Jia You*

I have no idea how well or badly *crossed fingers* i fare for my ES & QS paper. All I pray is to let me pass them *Praying hard*

ES was not exactly difficult for me. So far, language, especially written ones, has never been a difficulty for me. However, you have absolutely no idea how stressful I was, especially for QS paper.

Anyway, I took 2 days exam leave for each paper. Hence, for the past 2 weeks, I only worked for 3 days a week == shiok - but it's over :(

I studied the whole ES Textbook and did all the revision worksheets and a mock exam paper given by Gladys. Glad that I did them because quite a couple of them came out in the exam paper. Actually I hope to score well for my ES.

Honestly, I didn't know how to go about revising my QS. I have 0% of confidence for this subject. Not because I didn't attend or pay attention in class but because I have been "achieving wonderful" F9s for similar subjects *Sweat*

I printed out all the notes and a set of mock exam paper from the lecturer's website. Tried to understand them and do as much qtns as possible. Requirement was to complete 5 out of 7 qtns, hence, I focused on 5 topics only.

Thanks to one of my classmates for sharing past years QS exam papers with us (and i attempted all of them) -- because lecturer didn't provide us with even one set. Initially, I had absolutely no idea how the exam paper would look like.

You wun believe it. I was so stressed up with the revision because I cannot seems to remember anything and I cried lo. ~shame shame~ *haha* On the last day of my revision, I stayed up til almost 2am to finalise my revision before i go to bed and woke up 7am the next day to go for exam :) *hardworking hor :p*

Glad that everything is over. Most importantly, I got to thank Johnson for coming over to my place after work to coach me for that 2 days, as well as help from the Buddhas *I am not joking* Seriously, it was miracle. (^_^)

Smelly Ah Lian

I met this "smell" Ah Lian @ Marina Square Arcade. I was following behind her when she suddenly stopped walking and at the same time, I was making a right turn, my big beautiful bronze bag "touch" her.

Being polite, imy usual reaction was to immediately turn over to her and apologise BUT I regretted so much after i uttered "Sorry" because I found her staring hard at me as if I had threw a stone at her! *TMD*

She stood still and giving me the kind of look that she is ready to pick up a fight. I ignored her and turned away - still feeling stupid that I had apologised to an animal!

Under such circumstances, I would just ignore such bitch. Why should I waste my breath and energy to say anything to it as it wouldn't understand!

At the same time, I thought to myself... ... what if I didn't realise that my big pretty bronze bag "touched" her and hadn't apologise? What would her reaction be?

On the other hand... ... what would have happened if I also stood still and stared at her *appearing as low class as her liao -- unacceptable behaviour!*

Well, sometimes I think I have joined the wrong organisation. If I had joined the Singapore Police Force, what would have happened to her if she try her luck to provoke me? Perhaps, I should ask for an inter-ministry transfer huh... ... Catch all these naughty children a lesson. *wahahaha*

Full of Thoughts

Lately, my mind has been filled with lotsa thoughts (i.e. about human beings, non-living things, relationships, etc etc) and I have been wanting to pen (Oops, i mean blog) down my thoughts. However, I have been so busy and tired + unwell (for almost a week) and that explains why I have not been doing much here (though I frequently viewed new entries uploaded by you, you, you and you :p) -- As the days passes, "newer"thoughts rushed into my mind, causing the "older" thoughts to be pushed behind and eventually I cannot remember the thoughts which I wanted to blog. *HAHAHA*

Hmm... ... instead of sharing with my thoughts, would an update of my whereabouts be more interesting *but who cares about my whereabouts!*

Yesterday, Mavis & I saw the publicity of winning a car thru Lucky Draws @ Carrefour. Mavis then said that if we won that car, she could drive me to work. In my mind, I was thinking if I won the car, I would sell it away for monies. Another thought came "Where would I have such luck to win that car?" -- The devil in me was talking!

Yup, I did win some small prizes (i.e. Free 1-month supply of pizza from Pizza hut, $50 World of Sports Vouchers, Free movie tickets, etc etc) in lucky draws and contests before but I have never won anything big. Suddenly I just feel pessimism about everything and Lilian came into my thoughts.

Lilian often complained to me that nothing goes right for her in life. She could not get a job and has never strike 4D (at least I did strike a few times - though small prizes) and has never won a prize in lucky draws etc and I told her that it's because the time is not right yet and there are good things which had happened to her but she didn't realise. I also told her to be more optimism about life so that things would appear beautiful and good yet here I am feeling pessimistic :( *Devil in me is in action agn*

Sometimes I feel that human relations are tiring to manage. I tend to observe people and tried to interpret them when I first know them. Of course I won't deduce the person during the first few meetings, it would be unfair.

Working environment in office is becoming better ever since Patrina left. Not that she's evil but she is a very strict person and due to some mis-comm and understanding, she is not on talking terms with CC. HOWEVER, the environment would be even better if someone elses leave (okie... it's bad to "make" people leave their job so I will rephrase my sentence -- ... ... if she change into a better person)!

Yes... the person is a SHE! Not nice to mention names in case some idiotic asshole incidentally saw my blog and gossip about it and news spread then ... ... *leave it for you to imagine*

Okay as I was saying... ... if she could just stop trying to "poke/stab" me and leave me alone, I would be happier! I cannot understand why she just couldn't leave me alone when I am just a harmless pig trying to earn a living under the same roof. I dun snatch her portion of salary, I dun snatch her portion of PB or Bonus. Wat's her freaking problem?? *Humph*

Lately I also thought about love relationships. There are some people who thinks that they have been in many relationships and they have already mastered the technics in it and could handle well... ... but I thought "how many experiences are enough?" *haha*

I pondered if there will still be sparks in long-term relationships. Would you still hear your heart beat when you meet your husband / boyfriend of many years? Or would things just move on plainly and wouldn't that be boring? If so, what should you do to make things interesting? Sparks sparks sparks... ... where and how to find?

If feelings get bored and tasteless in long-term relationships, then how do married couples maintain their marriage? Does that explain the high rate of divorce cases? :p

In my opinion, divorce cases are mostly because the men refused to keep their "appetite to one dish". Unfaithful bastards! I wondered if my future husband would be one of them?

Some people just enjoyed new stuff. They cannot stay on to an item for too long -- it appears to human relationship as well. So if one finds his relationship with gf is boring after some time, then how is he going to get married and settle down?

Lousy Conversation on the MSN

On the eve of Deepavali (or already Deepavali as it was 1 plus in the early morning), I was doing doing my project on the laptop. While working on my project, someone in my MSN contact list sent me a msg.

His nick is "the more u love; the more u hurt". Sounds like some innocent fellow who has been hurt by love and some gals would then shower him with attention and care + concern. This person has been on my contact list for many months but I din really reply to his "hi" and would usually ignore him when he msg "intro, pse".

The conversation went on as follow:

the more u love the more u hurt says:

Hi, what happened to u?

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:

huh? what you mean?

the more u love the more u hurt says:
Nothing. were u from pls

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
what were i from?

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
do u mean wre is it?

the more u love the more u hurt says:
where u stay

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
very strange lei..

the more u love the more u hurt says:
intro again loh ok

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
u make it sound like as if we are in some irc chat and that we are total strangers.

the more u love the more u hurt says:
haaa u inrto again lhoh ok.

the more u love the more u hurt says:
mind?

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
(alittle irritated by him) and why dun u intro first?

the more u love the more u hurt says:
26 m johor
u?

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
me 26/f/sin

the more u love the more u hurt says:
icic. mind show ur pic pls

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
yes i do

the more u love the more u hurt says:
nvm

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
(I purposely replied) u havent seen my picture on msn before?

the more u love the more u hurt says:
nope i think

the more u love the more u hurt says:
u got bf ?

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
why is it so impt to see the other party's picture before chatting

the more u love the more u hurt says:
hAAAA

the more u love the more u hurt says:
you got bf

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
how does that ans affects this conversation?

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
so do u have a gf?

the more u love the more u hurt says:
break alr

the more u love the more u hurt says:
2 year loh

the more u love the more u hurt says:
single lonely guy i am

the more u love the more u hurt says:
u want me ??? got gal to intro . i got 2 year no gf loh no touch gal loh

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
touch gal? (disgusted by his reply!)

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
touch in what sense huh?

the more u love the more u hurt says:
yes

the more u love the more u hurt says:
ml with gal (he meant "make love")

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
haha.. so that's all typical guys looked for in a relationship huh

the more u love the more u hurt says:
u got gal inrto ??

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
actually they dun have to look for gfs to touch...
pay $$ and can get liao mah

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
nope. You are not suitable for my gfs!!

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
anyway, i have been wif my bf for 4 years plus

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
and am still together with him

the more u love the more u hurt says:
aiyo pay monry i beter diy lah

the more u love the more u hurt says:
you try 1 9 stand b4 ?

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
what's the diff? girl also mah

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
how can u be sure that the girlfriend u have is a decent gal..
she might have slept arnd with many different guys before..

the more u love the more u hurt says:
then u tried b4 loh

the more u love the more u hurt says:
got gal intro to me i want try (bastard!)

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
it's your choice to assume, I dun see the need to clarify too much

the more u love the more u hurt says:
sry

the more u love the more u hurt says:
then u got gal to intro ??

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
haha... i dun think I have gals of your choice

the more u love the more u hurt says:
then u leh wann try

the more u love the more u hurt says:
hungry wolfe here (Fucking idiot!)

the more u love the more u hurt says:
guy sex??

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
woah.. how "exciting" huh!! I dun have to tried it because I have never been deprived from it

the more u love the more u hurt says:
why leh

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
bcos unlike people like you, I am not deprived from it..

the more u love the more u hurt says:
sry

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
sry means apologies?

Well, you dun have to cos you dun owe me anything
we are in the 20s, people ask and do whatever they like as long as they dun violate the law
I can chose to ignore people/conversations I dun like!

the more u love the more u hurt says:
haaaa

the more u love the more u hurt says:
mind show ur pic

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
yes i mind

the more u love the more u hurt says:
me 180 70
u?

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
I dun think i am obliged to tell u.

the more u love the more u hurt says:
?

the more u love the more u hurt says:
icic. ok

the more u love the more u hurt says:
can be friend with you?

the more u love the more u hurt says:
can i have ur phone number pls ?

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
haha... calling me from JB?

the more u love the more u hurt says:
how ?

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
isnt it far?

the more u love the more u hurt says:
yes but i don't mind
sms also can

the more u love the more u hurt says:
pls

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
nope.. i dun think my bf would like it

the more u love the more u hurt says:
why leh

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
no particular reason

the more u love the more u hurt says:
that mean u canot give me ur phone number loh ?

It is perfectly fine to love someone but ... ... says:
not cannot.. it's more of a I dun feel comfortable and I dun want!

-- then he cannot tahan my kuai-lan attitube and he went offline! haha --

I cannot stand such desperado! So desperate.. go and find means to relieve yourself and not come online to look for preys. Freak!!

Anyway, I deleted and blocked him from my contact list! :p

Schools, Exams, Projects

Today is the last lesson of my ES! Time flies. 15 lessons have passed. I was absent for once and left 1/2 thru the lesson on another occasion. English has always been fun for me because it's something which I use everyday. Lecturer, Gladys Fang, has been good to us throughout the 15 lessons. At the end of the course, I gave her a good evaluation. Hopefully, she will be coaching us on other related HRM subjects.

Lessons over would mean that exam is coming.

Yea... exam is scheduled on 01 Dec 07 @ 0900 hrs in school! *Stress*

I think I should be able to pass my ES but I dunno if I would be able to score well (meaning grade A or at least a B). However, things doesn't look good when I got back my project marks today. We got 17 out of 30 for our ES Project -- the Natty's Convenience Store!

*sob sob* Very disappointed. I really put in lotsa effort for this project. Yet, we only managed to score 17. Gladys was lenient in her marking. Initially, it was just 15 but she added 1 more mark in 2 different sessions and that made us achieved 2 marks more.

Many groups scored better than us. So sad.

I told Gladys we were disappointed - which I really was and I nearly cried when I told her "Very disappointing with our marks"

Anyway, everything is over. Gotta concentrate on my ES exam paper. No point brooding over what has already taken place.

Now we are rushing our QS project, which has not even started and I have 0% confidence for it. As for the exam, it's on 08 Dec 07!!! I sucks in mathematics. How to pass lidat that? Sighz... ... Cannot fail lor. If I failed to make it, I am really useless. Also I have to pay repay $3,600 (or maybe more) to the organisation for sponsoring my studies :(

There is nothing wrong to love someone but ... ...

I always believe that there is nothing wrong about loving someone, even though the person is attached. There is also nothing wrong about expressing your love to someone who is already attached. However, it is not right to ask the person you love to break off with the current girlfriend!!!

How can a girl be so shameless to ask the guy she likes to break off with his current girlfriend?? Do you ever have such a friend who fits my description?

2 Sundays ago, I've experienced a shameless gal who fits my description perfectly!

She is Sue, the China girl I met in Australia. She was Johnson's housemate. Sometimes, women's 6th sense is just so accurate. After dinner, I just mentioned to Johnson about her and she msn-ed him while we were using the laptop.

After telling Johnson that she had just finished watching a drama with her friend and that exam is near the corner, she asked "Hey, when are you going to break off with Judy and be with me! Break off with her and be with me lah"

I was so shock and angry when I read the msg. Showed it to Johnson and he said she was kidding. How could anyone say such thing as a joke? Even if it is a joke, it is not funny!!!

Of course, being a Mr Nice Guy, Johnson didn't tell her off and just asked me to ignore her. I cannot scold her because Johnson would definitely not approve it. In order to stay calm and see what more she has to say, I replied on Johnson's behalf -- with his knowledge, of course.

I replied "huh? You joking?"

Her replied "No. I am serious. Break off with her and be with me."

My reply (given by Johnson) "Crazy"

She began saying that she is serious and that she actually told her dad about him and her dad encouraged her to be a 3rd party and "snatch" him away from me! She also added that she regretted not doing it then when he was in Aus.

Seeing that there was no reply on our end, she continued to say that I am not worthy of Johnson and that I am very bad-tempered. Johnson deserved someone better! *TMD... is she trying to tell Johnson that she is more worthy than me?!* I may be a divorcee with a child which make me less worthy but I will not go around stealing people's boyfriend, even though I love the guy!

I tried to tell her that they are countries apart and it's not possible to develop a relationship ang guess what's her reply? She asked him to return to Aus after he has completed his MBA. I said "No" and she replied "What if I go to Singapore?" -- Woah lao.. so thick-skin!! I asked Johnson what's her real intention of coming to Singapore? To be a Dragon-girl (xiao long nu) is it?

She also told Johnson that she actually wanted to kiss him when they were in Brisbane but didn't do it because she didn't know what he think of her and how he will feel. *TMD.. if she really kissed Johnson, I doubt he will tell me!*

She also mentioned that when she heard that Johnson dine alone during Mid-Autumn festival, she feel so sad for him and wished that she was here to keep him accompany! *Freak! How come I didn't know that he dine alone on Mid-Autumn?" I asked if he wants to come my place for dinner but he didn't want because every year his family would dine together*

Of course I qtned him immediately then I found out that he ate alone at home during Mid-Autumn because his family members had taken dinner before he comes home. But how come he didn't tell me!!! *Humph* Knowing it from someone makes me feel that I am a lousy girlfriend!

She also criticised that how can there be no TV and Internet @ my home! Johnson always complained that coming to my house is boring because he can't watch the TV or use the internet as my brother is always watching the TV and using the Computer @ the same time. BUT why did Johnson have to tell her that? Who is she to criticise me?! She is feel sad for Johnson to be so bored at my house huh!!!

I was so angry with Johnson for sharing so much with her!!!

The next day, she msn Johnson again while I was using the laptop. The shameless gal was online too and msg Johnson agn. Her first sentence was "Hey man, when are you going to break up with Judy?"

Of course I was angry when I read that. I didn't want to reply and see what she has got to say. Guess what... ... she even "taught" Johnson how to break off with me! She told him "Just tell Judy that you are not going to marry her and she will definitely break off with you!"

OMG!!! So aggressive and shameless!!! In the first place, Johnson did not even say he likes her and she is telling him so much. Little did she know that I am aware of all these which is happening. She is really making a fool out of herself... ...

My dear Mavis

My dear daughter was down with Chickenpox! When I came home @ 10 plus on Friday night, she highlighted to me that she has got red-spots like blister on her hands, face and legs. Initially, we were worried that it might be HFMD!

We observed that her situation was not that "emergency', hence, I took her to the doctor on Sat morning and doctor diagnosed her for Chickenpox. Thank God that it was not HFMD! However, Chickenpox still doesn't seems to be a good thing.

Mummy just started working and she can't possibly stop work for 2 weeks to stay home to take care of Mavis. *Many people are eyeing on her job* I am only left with 1 day Childcare leave and 4 days of annual leave. Not even enough for 2 weeks and I can't possibly clear all days at a time. In Nov, I still got to bring Mavis for her school Orientation. Neither I could afford to go on No-Pay leave! On Monday & Wednesday, I can't knock off early to go home as I got to go for class and will only be home @ 11 plus in the night. Sighz... ...

Now got to depend on my brother to take care of her when we were not around. Still, I dun feel assured enuff leaving her to my brother.

Now I only pray that she recover soon and well again. Seeing her in pain is as good as me suffering then I would rather I bear the pain for her.

Unhappy... ...

I'm kinda falling into depression again. *Sighz*

Few days ago, Kareen SMSed me to help her check if 16 Apr 08 is a good date for her ROM. Upon receiving the news, my thoughts ran "a few miles". Of course I am not unhappy about her getting married. Neither am I jealous about her getting married. I am falling into depression once again because Johnson refused to ROM with me yet!

He kept saying:

• We are not financially ready! [Doesn't we already have a stable job & income?]
• We are still young! [I am 27 this year and many of my friends are already getting married!! He may still be young but ... ... *sob sob*]
• He is not financially stable to show his dad that he is capable of taking care of Mavis & I [I've been taking care of Mavis all these years!]
• Our current situation is good enough, why the rush to get married!

*Sighz* We have been quarrelling over this issue for umpteen times and I am really sick of it. I even told him that I am not going to bring up this topic again SO I am really not going to bring up this topic agn!

I was chatting with Chiew Hua on MSN on Friday night and I shared with her this topic. There are only so few people I could talk about. I am embarrassed to share this with other people. Who can I share my probs with. Just Rachel & Oliver! I dare not tell others cos I think others will mock @ me! *sob sob*

Anyway, I was saying - I told Chiew Hua about my current situation and she was also supportive of us getting ROM! I am not asking Johnson to spend tons of money NOW to get married. I merely wanted an ROM. What's his prob!

We have been together for freaking 4 years plus and his family is not aware of my marital status!!! How long is he going to delay? Sighz... ... even my mom was pushing us to ROM few months ago.

The more I write, the more unstable my emotions are. *Sob sob* but who cares!

I can't share this on my Multiply! I could only write about my emotions in this little column! Sighz... ... Nobody could tell me what I could do!

I purposely told him that Kareen is going to ROM but he got no reaction.
Tonight while we were having steamboat, in his presence, Casper told me that another schoolmate of ours is getting married but he got no reaction.

Sighz... ...

22 Aug 2007

Today is a friend's b'day.

I know her since I was 13 and it has been 13 years!

We used to be very close friends. Sit together during lesson time. Share all our happenings with each other everyday in school, even when the teachers were teaching! :)

However, changes start to take place after our secondary school days. I still remember -- on the 1st day of school in ITE, I feel so lonely w/o her and I shed some tears in the toilet *ssshhh* That was the bonding... ...

When I met her again 4 years later, she took me as a "hi-bye" friend. Sighz... ... We no longer talk and behave like when we were in school. The feelings were no longer there and that was when I know that things would never be the same agn. Someone elses have taken my place in her heart.

Nonetheless, every year of today, I would still send her a b'day wish via SMS - though it's a "one-sided affair".

If I ever stop sending her b'day wishes, it would be that day I took her off my mind... ...