Conversation with SM

Yesterday afternoon, SM, as usual, came over to our office to chat with me. As we were chatting, he asked me to patronise Chevrons more often and I could bring my hubby and daughter along. I told him that "yea, I intend to bring my mom there." We continued talking and he encouraged me to exercise and I told him that I have plans to jog twice a week after work and he asked if my hubby picks me up after work.

It was then I finally told him "Sir, I am a divorcee. That guy is my partner." As I was saying that, my tears filled up my eyes and were forcing to come out freely. *Gosh* I tried so hard to swallow them but it just forced its way out. I had no choice but to wipe my tears away.

Meanwhile, he told me that he was upset to hear that and even more upset to see me tear and tried to tell me that what I did was brave to walk out and that fellow was stupid -- w/o knowing the background of my divorce.

I told him that my mom gave me lotsa support and he added that "we all support you too!" *Thank you*

I guess he didn't know what to say and he tried to console me by telling me how he met his wife and how uncompatible they were but the Man up there has made the arrangements for us and he has been with his wife for 30 over years.

He also asked me if Johnson is working and where he is working. and even asked if we had plans to settle down.

While all these conversations were ongoing, MA was in his cubicle. I wondered if he heard and know that I cried. Good thing that I settled down my emotions just before KJ came back from his lunch.

So embarassing to cry in front of SM. but what ponders me was Why did I breakdown? Was it because I am ashame of my status? Or was it because the conversation concerns Beary?

Prior to that, I was lunching with Mui Har and we talked about my marriage with beary. I am not comfortable in revealing too much with mui har so we just talked about it briefly. While talking over it, at a few points, I was upset but I tried to control my emotions. I did. -- Probably because of that, I couldn't control anymore when SM touched on my triggered points again.

Or did I cry over my failed marriage? but why? I have NO feelings for him at all.