It has been a long time since I last blog.
I'm leaving for China (Xiamen and Beijing) in a few more days -- 5 days to be exact. Not exactly excited. Probably because it's china we are going. What's more -- with his dad and granny. >.<
It's Adam & Karen's big day this Sunday! Seems like everyone around us have gotten married. Back to the same old subject again. However, this time round, it's a little different. As much as I wanna get married, I am asking myself if he's the one.
I think I am a cockster! I wanna get married. I am happy with him. Yet I don't know if he's the one for me!!!
He has changed over these years. Not exactly that wonderful boyfriend I know. Not that he is lousy but many things happened and as years passed, we grow and perspective changes, character mould differently while we survived thru in this society.
If he's not the one, then why am i wasting my time on him? Shouldn't I leave him?
I didn't forget how much he hurt me by changing his decision to NOT marry me.
I didn't forget the sweet nothings he wrote to Yit Ying behind my back + the way he tried to woo Yit Ying.
These are pain which I tried to forgive and want to forget but it's difficult. Does he ever know that these are within me?
I am thinking differently again. Should he not proposed or do anything about our relationship when I turn 30, I will probably leave things as it is BECAUSE I should not enter into a wrong relationship again and having to hurt myself, my child and my mom. *Sighz* Heart affairs are difficult to understand and explain. I don't know what I want. I need advice. but I don't want to think about it yet because there hasnt been any changes to anything yet... ...
On the other hand, I am so eager to get married. Seeing bride and groom makes me filled with jealousy --- but what to do... ...
